When I Say Ugly, I MEAN Ugly...

We spend most of our summers at the lake and because I am on maternity leave we are spending more time than usual up there. Why not? I'll never have this kind of freedom again, so we're taking advantage of it.

I think some of you know that my husband is also a professional bass fisherman which means he spends a fair amount of his free time practice-fishing and doing tournaments - he had one this weekend. What I'm getting at is that while he is gone, I am with the kids keeping them entertained and this is often accomplished by playing with them in the water at our little section of beach.

After Saturday's experience I am now scanning our little piece of shoreline a lot more closely before any one of us dangles one tiny toe in the water...Livi was safe in her playpen, the dog was tied up, Dani was coloring in her books and wanting to get in the water with me but I asked her to wait a sec until I could get cooled off, which took all of 60 seconds because as you know, children are DEMANDING.

I ducked under and came up feeling cool as a cumcumber and Danielle decided she no longer wanted to get in the water. Seconds after this I'm a very happy mummy to have a child with the attention span of a gnat. I sat down in the camp chair (in the water) and watched Marla (the dog) walk 3-4 feet to my left and there she was sniffing at something, but I don't see anything, so I turned my attention back to the kids and then I heard a low growl. The kind of sound MY DOG DOES NOT MAKE. I looked back over and focused on a furry grey head that turned to stare at me and in the same second I screamed, ran for the kids, and screamed again for my neighbours, Clark and Marilyn, who came running.

It was the sickly, perhaps rabid, raccoon that has had everyone at the camp on high alert for the past two weeks. To make this story shorter, let's just say I owe Clark & Marilyn and another neighbour Paul (who did the dirty work getting rid of the critter...who knew that 2x4 would come in handy?) a lot of alcohol as thanks!

That drama ended quickly and then we looked over to find THIS UGLY THING sitting there on top of our pontoon wondering where the hell his dinner (and breakfast and lunch and brunch the day after) had disappeared to. It's a turkey vulture and they are prehistoric and frightening.

And then a bird hit the windshield that same evening.

After this, I think we're going to move into a bubble.

A Wedding

9 Weeks

That's all the time I've got left on maternity leave. How the hell does it pass so quickly?

It feels like only a few weeks ago I gave birth to Olivia and I had all the time in the world...

Baby Olivia turned 9 months old on Monday - she is crawling everywhere and pulling herself up to a standing position anywhere she can. She is a smiling, happy, easy-going baby and I thank my lucky stars to have ended my baby-career on such a lovely note.

It has been incredibly busy - so much so that my brain feels like it has been scrambled and I can't quite string together a simple sentence to explain it all. If you'll forgive me, maybe I'll just write down a few noteworthy bullet points!

• Jeff and I got married on June 12 and it was exactly what we wanted in our wedding. We had fun, the guests had fun and honeymooning was fantastic!
• The bass boat almost died. (Believe me, if you're married to any type of fisherman, but especially a bass fisherman - this is CATASTROPHIC news.)
• The kids finished school on June 22nd and we're still in shock to realize that Derek is turning 13 this fall and going into grade 8, while Danielle will be 5 and going to kindergarten.
• We are trying to decide what to do about our poor dog, Marla. Do we put her down which seems the humane thing to do or do we wait for her to go at home and traumatize the kids who may wake up and find her dead?
• If Danielle gives me attitude one more second she is going to lose every single thing in her room except her bed, a pillow and her blankets. Seriously. The shoulder-shrug and the "whatever" coming out of her mouth is enough to make me want to bitch-slap her. (And NO, OF COURSE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT, but jeezus, you other mothers get it, don't you?)
• We've been spending a lot of time at the lake because I'll never have this kind of time off work again. It really sucks to not be filthy rich.
• I'm in love with my husband. Still.
• I love my (generally) happy, and healthy children.

Life is good and I am blessed. Over to you.

Life Is For Living

I sort of knew it'd been awhile since my last post, but I didn't realize it's been a month.

What's new you ask?

Baby Olivia is over 6 months old already and she is healthy, strong and more beautiful every day. She also poops. A lot. And sometimes it comes out her diaper and squishes all over her father's shirt. And sometimes he passes her to me and it squishes all over my shirt. And sometimes it falls on the floor and the 4 year old kneels in it and FREAKS OUT. And it's only then we realize we have baby shit ALL OVER US and it is gross.

Danielle is constantly making us laugh with silliness which is exactly how 4 year olds are supposed to behave. And she behaves more often than not which is refreshing change from the hellish temper tantrums she used to have every single day and twice on Tuesdays.

Derek is 12-going-on-13. He finally broke up with his girlfriend some time ago, and he did it as nicely and quickly as possible. He is awesome with his baby sister and tolerates Danielle and when I asked him this morning, "Why Derek? Why must you pick at her in the morning when we know how cranky she is?" His reply said it all. "I'm her big brother, Mum. IT'S WHAT I DO."

That's all I've got time for at the moment. I'm going to write more soon. Just a couple of other things:

1. I've been living and enjoying life which means my thyroid meds are working.

2. Julia - I'm thinking about you and sending you BIG HUGS.

Enough With The Drama

Time for me to take a long, deep breath. So many things have been happening lately - some good, some great, some that make me shake my head with a "WHAT THE FUCK...?"

I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason and sometimes we don't always understand the reasons (in fact, sometimes I'd like to kick reason's ass) but there is a purpose in it all.

Some of the great things that have happened is that a while ago, Jeff and I finally set our wedding date. And it's taking place THIS YEAR on June 12th. (I think I was more than generous in offering to work around his fishing tournament schedule, don't you?) We are having a small and intimate wedding with our immediate families and close friends only and we are happy and excited about it. The plans are gelling together nicely, although my younger sister may not come which would suck, but that's her choice. (The background there is that my hubby-to-be is close friends with her ex-husband and I'm not about to tell him he can't be friends with someone. He's over 18, he can make his own choices. I love my sister with all my heart, and understand her hurt and anger because i think she feels like we're choosing him over her, but my god, that is SO NOT THE CASE....)

And then something that has both puzzled and hurt recently is receiving a Facebook message from a cousin that I haven't been close to in years - I've emailed him a couple of times to say, "Yo. Dude. What's happening, what's new? I'm thinking about you" and I got a reply yesterday wherein he basically told me to piss off because we're not close anymore. O-o-k-a-a-a-y...There was a lot of pent-up anger and hurt in his reply and at first I felt like I had to defend myself to him. I'm sorry you feel like I stopped all contact when I moved away from home (at the age of 18), and I'm sorry I haven't been in touch more often, sorry I've been working my butt off every day, sorry for living my life and raising my kids, and oh-by-the-way-did-you-hear-I-just-had-a-baby, you damn moron, and MAYBE, just MAYBE, I might be a little bit fucking busy?

Whew, guess there's a lot of pent-up anger here too.

I didn't write that to him because I decided then and there that I DO NOT have to defend living my life for the past 20 years and he will either get over it and be an adult about things and we will hopefully get a chance to get to know each other now, as grown-ups, or...he won't.

And then yesterday, I started my period.

Drama. Drama. Drama.

ENOUGH.

Struggle, Struggle, Tiny Light, Struggle, Struggle

It's getting through my head that new habits are hard to form. I'm trying to change 30 years of negative thoughts about my body, but I will be honest and say that my confidence is...very low. You know those makeover shows where they suggest that you focus on one body part you like? Everyone has one little thing, right? I can't find my one little thing. I finally admitted to my fiance that I don't like anything on my body - to the point where I can't even look at myself in the mirror when brushing my teeth.

I would NEVER say negative things to my daughters (or my son for that matter) or friends and I understand that what's on the inside is more important, but at what point did I give myself permission to treat myself so horribly?

How self-indulgent and fucked up am I?

I'm SICK OF IT.

A Favourite Thing

I just got this necklace and I love it. I love the circles. I love the knots. I love the design. It's awesome.

It was also cheap and from Avon.