Back From the Edge

There were times I thought the pain and grief would literally make my heart stop.  My entire life, our entire life, was flipped upside down and sideways, and in the weeks and months since September 18, 2011, I felt like my insides were made of shattered glass, held together only with a very fine web, and it would take very little to destroy me completely.

I'm still standing.

It didn't kill me. 

I have survived. 

I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. 

I'm proud of me. 

I'm in counselling. 

I'm a work-in-progress. 

I am present and striving every day to be a better mother. 

I'm working hard at a job I enjoy.

I am lucky to work with an incredible female boss who is inspirational.

I started smiling again.

I started sleeping again (not always great, but better than last fall and winter).

I am worthy.

I am unique.

I am funny.

I am lovable.

I am trustworthy.

I realized something hugely life-changing...

I LOVE me.

Birthday Girl

Danielle, turned 6 yesterday on November 16th.  We had tacos for dinner, and gross, store-bought cupcakes for dessert because we're having a birthday party for her on Saturday and that's when she knows and is looking forward to her "real" birthday cake which I, Mummy, will happily make.

At 10:45 p.m., she was barfing all over the floor in the hallway, but at least I could tell she chewed her dinner.  (I tell ya, those silver linings are everywhere!)

This is our girl and we are so blessed.  Happy Birthday, little Lola!

Lola - August 2011

Danielle....still a fiery little handful, determined as ever.

And the spitting image of her father.

Turtle - July 2011

Olivia is still easygoing and a complete joy to be around.

She is also "Mummy's girl".

Math That Adds Up to "This Blows"

Financial stress

+ a leaking roof and house falling down around you

+ hardly any couple time

+ two hot-tempered people who haven't learned to "fight fair"

=

A marriage in trouble.

A Great Big Canadian Hug to Bonnie & Ray

Sometimes the universe is just...weird.

It puts people in your path at a specific moment and often for a specific period of time.

I met Bonnie and her husband Ray in the candy aisle at Walmart last night. And we just started chatting. Turns out they are from Rhode Island, they travel 10 months of the year in their motor home and live in Arizona the rest of the time.

They have been married 44 years, together for 46. This is mind-boggling to me and when I asked them what their secret is, the knowing smile that passed between them said it all but they did give me a list:

#1. Love each other even through the hard times (and there ARE hard times).

#2. Learn to listen with respect - hard to learn, but once you do....everything else gets easier.

#3. Remember that you are a COUPLE and you MUST take time every week to be alone together (without the kids).

#4. Sex. And lots of it.

Bless you, Bonnie and Ray. You were my little rays of sunshine yesterday, and oh, how I needed you.

When Life Is A Bowl of Lemons....

....I like to think I'm someone who can make lemonade.

Instead you'll find me smashing the lemons into a mealy pulp and shattering the bowl.