You Have GOT To Be Joking

I was cleaning up the kitchen Sunday night as Jeff came upstairs with a weird smile on his face and quickly walked past me to our bedroom. Within seconds he was passing me again, headed down to the basement where he has been working his arse off doing the renovations after our basement flooded (wait a tic, I haven't told you about that yet, have I?), again with the weird smile but I noticed that he was trying to hide a tennis racket behind his back.

You know what this means, don't you?

EXACTLY. Bat-chasing time.

Which means I promptly hid. And by promptly what I really mean is I dropped the dishtowel and coffee mug into the sink and ran to our bedroom to slam the door shut before I started screaming hysterically. As I passed the living room, I asked/told/demanded that Derek go down there and make sure Jeff had killed it and report back to me. I didn't lose my mind completely because I had the foresight to close the girls' bedroom door (they were asleep) in the event that motherfucker got its' way upstairs, something I refused to think about for more than 5 seconds because then I would start screaming and crying and freaking the hell out.

A minute or two later I heard "thwack" so I was pretty sure mission accomplished, and then I was informed that, "Oh, no, Mummy, it wasn't a bat. It was....(pause).... ummm....(pause)......just a little mouse."

Now, I am sometimes known to be naive or slightly gullible when it comes to life in general, but NEVER when it comes to this because the little hairs on the back of my neck were still standing at attention, so while on one hand it was sweet they were trying to protect me from this little phobia of mine, I also knew the truth - everyone knows you can't kill a mouse with a tennis racket - you need peanut butter, a good trap and the ability to not be too grossed out by the sight of a dead one. But bats are STUPID and thank god for that. I also thank my husband for his great aim.

And now, the great tradition of scanning the ceilings and windows and curtains continues, followed by many sleepness nights to come.

I HATE BATS.