Tired-er Than I Thought

It's 9:00 p.m., all three children are asleep and while my body is exhausted my brain won't slow down. I am basically awake from 3:30 a.m. until I go to bed at night - this has been going on for the past few weeks, due to, you know, giving birth WITHOUT PAIN MEDICATION eight short weeks ago and newborn babies' eating habits.

The burst of energy, fueled by exhilaration, generated from giving birth lasted until last week. That energy enabled me to get up after breastfeeding during the night to fix the older two their breakfast, help them get ready for school and out the door in time for the bus, at which point it's time to nurse the baby again.

I'm now tired. Which means I'm slightly snappish and wishing for more sleep, more coffee and an iron will which would boot my soft ass downstairs to work out. Instead, I'm crying at the drop of a hat, generally preceeded by looking at my infant daughter and realizing just how quickly this time is passing and I can do nothing to slow it down, to keep her a baby forever; and when there are a few free minutes, I know I should be exercising, but the laundry is piling up, the house needs to be vacuumed, and if the damn dog doesn't stop that constant paw-licking-sound I'm going to seriously lose my fucking mind.

Enough With The Guilt!

It's Sunday morning and my son is at his dad's for the weekend, hubby is fishing a bass tournament and I have plunked my 3 year old in front of the Treehouse channel so I can get online to browse and to update - something I haven't done in several weeks - and I feel guilty for doing so.

Why is that? Hubby gets plenty of cave-time which he needs and is important to him - in fact I'd wager that most men get lots of it - and yet, despite how guilty I'm feeling for not interacting, not playing with my daughter, I'm still sitting here typing instead of closing the laptop and getting down on the floor to do puzzles.

Is it the curse of the working mother? I'm pretty sure that stay-at-home and work-outside-the home moms all feel exactly the same - we are all working and there never seem to be enough hours in the day for us. I'm going on maternity leave in mid-September and I cannot wait for our baby girl to arrive but also (again with the guilt!) for the kids to be at school so that I can get into a routine with baby and get into a routine of taking care of me too.

I hear it all the time - mothers who take time to nurture themselves through exercise, meditation, shopping (pick your poison!) are better mothers because they've had that time to recharge their batteries.

WHY CAN'T I SEEM TO GET THIS THROUGH MY OWN STUBBORN HEAD?

How Do You Stop Time?

I took this photo a couple of weekends ago and I'm not sure what it is about it but I definitely had one of those flash-forward moments of what my son is going to look like in a few short years as a teenager.

I'm not ready.