1977 just called...

I don't have an iPhone, and have been wondering how to get the cool Instagram effects on photos, but with very little spare time to actually search for these things....in any case, I came across PixTrix for Blackberries.

It doesn't give you any framing options like Instagram does, and I'm still playing around with it (why on earth would anyone WANT to add a dizzying double exposure effect is beyond me!) but I'm loving the color crush and vintage results.

And it's free!

Sleep Deprivation is Kicking My Ass

I'm cute, aren't I?  I'm Olivia.  And I love NOT sleeping.

I don't understand what's going on with this child.  Bedtime routines are generally the same every night:  bath, teeth, story/song, short cuddle and dodo....it ain't working with this one though.  She yawns and is very clearly tired and ready to sleep by 7:00-7:30 and yet...she's up and down, up and down repeatedly for two hours!

When she gets out of bed, I have taken to being as silent as possible and I pick her up and deposit her back into her bed.  I will do this 8-9-10 times in a row while she kicks her little feet at me, screams and cries.  I can feel my head start to pound and I breathe in and out very deeply, trying to hold on to what's left of my sanity...and then finally, just when I think the top of my head is going to explode off, she settles down, and falls asleep.

And my god, when they are sound asleep, there is no moment out there more beautiful and peaceful and it brings tears to my eyes.

Well, tears and relief that the little buggars are out and I might finally have a moment to relax!

Sweet Turtle

Oh, sweet Turtle, how we love you so....!!

Another overdue Christmas pic

But this one with 'the Boy'....and given he is a 14 year old teenager who absolutely, unequivocally HATES having his picture taken, I consider this a sweet victory.

Tooth Fairy

As you can see from the Christmas tree in the background, this was taken in December 2011.  She FINALLY lost her first tooth and I absolutely believe we heard four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves AND a partridge in a pear tree!

Waiting to Exhale

I think that may be one of the most fitting post titles possible...and giving credit where it's due, of course, a total acknowledgement to author Terry MacMillan. 

I was on an upswing in the month of May.  Feeling better, feeling stronger, feeling like, fist-pump skyward "YES!", I'm going to get through this, get past this, I'm moving forward.

Then June 4th happened and I'm drowning again in sorrow, in grief, in disbelief, in hurt and every god-damn day, I am trying to claw my way back up again. Every once in awhile I gulp in a bit of air as I realize that my breathing is very shallow, and I need to dig a little deeper and actually take in a proper breath.

I may be naive.

I may wear rose-colored glasses.

I may be gullible.

I'm also fucking stubborn...so claw, scratch, scrape or fight my way back to feeling happier about things, I WILL.

I am exhaling.  Right this moment.