This Day Can't Be Over Soon Enough

So by now, you're all aware of my extreme fear of bats and to add to that, is my complete distaste for creepy, scary, gory Halloween and a frozen-to-the-spot-with-watery-legs fear of clowns.

This is a holiday nightmare for people like me. The entire month of October is fraught with turns down the wrong aisle at the grocery store where, by not paying attention to your surroundings because you are focused on finding the damn dog food which has been moved from it's usual spot, you will come face to face with clown masks, bloody zombie faces, or freaky, mean-looking skeletons on a stick.

Every year, I hope that the decorations won't be as gruesome as the year before, but they seem to be getting worse instead. I like the happy, friendly, cartoony type of Halloween decorations. The ones where Casper truly is a friendly ghost, and the witch's laugh isn't so much a spine-shuddering cackle as a slightly gruff sound because just maybe she's hungover from drinking too much brew the night before.

Gone are the days when I could dress my son up as a pumpkin and he'd think it was the greatest costume in the world. Today he's dressed as a wrestler - the Undertaker. And even though I'm the adult who put his makeup on this morning, it still gave me the creepies because his face is hiding underneath it.
Little sister saw her big brother dressed like this, screamed, and then ran to hide behind my legs while crying because she was scared.

I truly feel for her...The only saving grace about today is that candy will be on sale and I just might venture out of my comfort zone (head down, eyes front) to buy some because chocolate almost always makes bad things good again.

Then again, it's possible I'll end up face to face with a clown dressed up as a bat.

And just to be clear? THAT little experience wouldn't end well...

Perspective

This photo captures what my children are usually like together. Smiling. Happy. Loving.

Unlike this morning. Picture a lot of screaming (from the angel-face girl). Picture a lot of sticking-out-the-tongue at the girl (from her equally-angel-faced brother). Picture pushing and shoving and more screeching while everyone rushes around trying to get ready for work, for school, for daycare and the alarm went off one whole hour after it was supposed to...and who is to blame for that?

I was innocently sound asleep. So, clearly, the blame can and will be placed on the half-asleep FATHER who fiddled with the damn buttons in the first place.

Perspective. It's a beautiful thing.

Mature, But Bitter

Hey, look, NO SNOW IN THIS PHOTO EITHER.

Up yours, Mother Nature!

How I Long For The Good Ol' Days

I stood on our deck off the master bedroom and took this sunrise photo less than two weeks ago.

Notice there is no snow on the ground.

It Can't Be...

We were warned it was coming.

We watched it arrive.

We rubbed our eyes, not quite believing it was snowing.

Heavily snowing.

In OCTOBER.

I need to stock up on vodka today because based on this? It's going to be one loooong fucking winter.

Family Fun Time

I can't remember the last time I enjoyed my weekend so much. We took the kids bowling Saturday night and it was fun. The kind of fun that makes my heart sing and puts all of us in silly moods. We were all also very tired, and everyone was in bed and falling asleep by 9:30 p.m. that night.

I encouraged my not-quite-ready-for-bed son that at his new age of 11 years old, it was quite alright to sneak his Nintendo DS into bed with him for a secretive game or two without, wink-wink, Mummy's knowledge that he was doing so. Of course, I also asked him to shut it down by 9:45 p.m....and you know what? HE DID.

On Sunday morning, my daughter helped me make very healthy banana-carrot muffins for breakfast. (These muffins had whole wheat flour, ground flax, wheat germ, and honey instead of sugar! Despite this, we did not spend the rest of the day visiting the bathroom...) I started the chili in the slow cooker, then hubby and I had a heart-to-heart about a couple of things while the kids were chasing each other and screaming with laughter. We went for a short drive, came home, made lunch, and hubby left to pick up daughter's new mattress and boxspring. In theory, daughter went down for a nap, the scrapbooking supplies were spread out over the dining room table and my son and I tried to settle in for an hour of crafts. You may see where this particular story is heading...daughter would not nap, and I finally gave up trying to get her to stay in bed. Scrapbook stuff was put away and I took the kids for an hour long bike ride, which included a stop at the brand new park in our very small town.

Back home, it was time for laundry, checking on the chili which at this point smelled quite delicious, putting daughter's bed together, pass the vacuum while the kids were back to chasing each other around the house screaming, make some Johnnie cake (cornbread...but my parents always called it Johnnie-cake. Why? Who was Johnnie? What was so special about him he had his own cake, which isn't really cake, but bread? Sort of. So many questions. So few answers.) Then, I was ready to fall down, exhausted.

As I did so, I made a wish for a fairy godmother who would do most of the cooking, all of the cleaning and laundry and make me a good stiff drink.

Instead, I found one very cold bottle of Mike's Hard Cranberry-Lemonade buried at the back of the refrigerator. And a hubby who gave me a quick lower back rub.

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes and my weekend was full of them.

Baby Bird

This is a photo taken of one of the five baby swans that visit our beach at the cottage.

Its mommy & daddy are there too, bringing the total to SEVEN SWANS A-SWIMMING.

No Kids Allowed

My sister is getting married, out of town, in a month.

Do you know what this means?? We get to spend the night away from home, without our children.

More importantly, it means hot hotel sex. It's like vacation sex only without the sand up your swimsuit.

I Vant To Be Alone

Do you ever have one of those days where you kinda feel like snarling at your boss or coworker or spouse for no reason at all than it would just feel so fucking good?

I'm not in a nice mood today. I feel like screaming and throwing things until they splinter and smash into tiny icicles of glass around my feet and with my shoes I will stomp all over it to hear the crunchy sound it makes. I am so damn tired and frustrated with bullshit. I have moments where I daydream that if I crash my car just enough, I'll only get hurt enough to be drugged and required to stay in a hospital and this would be a good thing (in the moment I'm dreaming it) because then I won't have to think because thinking is exhausting me, draining me.

Instead, I will glare passive-aggressively at the Starbucks girl in her green apron because she just mixed up my order and I can't scream obscenities at her because, really, that's not nice.

Just another day where I feel like I'm swirly chocolate crazy in a vanilla world.

Alternate Lake View

Dockside - Left View of the Lake

Giving Thanks For Autumn Colors

Taken at the cottage on an early morning walk, Thanksgiving Day.

If I close my eyes, I can smell the fresh, crisp fall air....nothing quite like it.

Because I'm Feeling Too Lazy To Write Today

This is a view of the road leading to our cottage. Beautiful, huh?

Denial

It's my son's 11th birthday today, and I haven't cried yet because I promised myself I wouldn't. He got spoiled this year, really spoiled with the celebration (a bowling party last Saturday for him and 10 friends); several gifts, money, and more gifts.

I made the decision to not get all emotional and sappy, but I will leave you with this photo below. (It reads: Hi Mom, I love you a lot. You are sweet. I like it when we have cuddles.) This piece of art is in the hallway and it was something he created for my birthday when he was about 5 years old. When it seems that time is moving much too fast, that he is growing up far too quickly, I stop and read this, and my heart is full because that little boy who loves his mummy is still very much evident.

Especially when he gets something he was hoping-for-but-not-expecting-for his birthday, like, say, a Nintendo DS, for example. With a new game. For example.

Am I Crazy? Wait, Don't Answer That...

Last Friday I participated in my first hot yoga class and I never thought I was the type to try an exercise class quite this adventurous. But oh-my-god, it was seriously the best workout I've ever had. EVER. Even better than that time I stretched my arms waaaay up to reach the half-hidden bag of chocolate chips on the top shelf in the kitchen, which I then dumped over the large dish of vanilla ice cream covered in syrup and wheat germ, because, hey, I know how important it is to elongate my muscles before I eat healthy, and let me tell you, that wheat germ is great stuff.

Last night was the regular vinyasa yoga class and I think I may have finally found it...you know, that exercise that makes you feel really good about yourself, really happy and centered and at peace. Yoga is a great workout and towards the end of class, we lay prone on the floor, the lights are dimmed, singing or chanting music is played softly in the background, we are focused on our breathing, focused on inside....and it happened.

Last night's music was all about connecting with mother: our own mothers, us as mothers, mother earth and feeling love and forgiveness and bountiful-ness of mother. I don't know exactly how it happened but I felt hot tears sliding out my eyes, dropping into my hair. My eyes were shut, and yet I could see myself, could see my children and I was hugging them, holding them, kissing them, giving my love to them directly from my heart to theirs. And then, I saw me. Me as a child. About 7 years old and while a part of my brain was thinking, "wait, what's going on? This can't be happening..." it WAS. My children were standing on either side of me and my arms were outstretched to include 7 year old Shelley and I couldn't stop crying and hugging her. Hugging me. And saying over and over again, "Shh, it's okay. It's okay. You're going to be okay. It's going to be alright." And then a moment later, she was slipping away from me and I could feel that there was so much more I needed to tell her. So much longer I needed to hold her.

Even writing this now, I can feel how powerful that moment was for me, and yet, the cynical part of me wants to believe that it was just a trick of my mind, that yep, I must be a little bit crazy.

So I wonder. If something happens and you're the only that sees it, did it really happen?

Hot! Hot! Hot!

I'm trying out a hot yoga class tonight and I cannot wait to have sweat pouring out of me like the rivers of Babylon. Or, you know, the tiny, little brook in my backyard.

This is a photo of Buddha who sits on my dresser and gives me a moment's pause each morning, reminding me to breathe deeply and to try and feel joy within me.

Shit. I need more practice.

This One is For YOU. Yes, You.

Obviously, I'm not a terribly skilled photographer, but I'm still quite proud of this shot.

Big Blue

Everyone knows my extreme (and justifiable) fear of flying creatures. Having said that, I find this blue heron that comes to visit our property absolutely fascinating. That I am so intrigued by this very large bird makes little sense to others, but is perfectly logical to me: I can SEE this thing coming from a long way off.

That, and it never flys too close to my head.

The Time Is Nigh

Fall has arrived with its usual gorgeous rich tapestry of colors, cloudy days and Canadian snow geese. I'll be posting photos such as this one below for the next couple of days...

Heavenly

This lotion is part of the reason I find it slightly easier to get out of bed and showered in the morning. The scent is subtle and softens my skin and it actually puts a little smile on my face knowing I will step out the door smelling great. I highly recommend it.