Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY

I decided to take the kids to the zoo yesterday for one or two reasons.

1. If I didn't get them out of the house for a little while to do something fun, they were going to rip each other apart from limb to limb.

2. If I didn't get them out of the house for a little while to do something fun, I was going to rip them apart from limb to limb.

In a car trip that felt like it lasted 2 hours but in reality was only 20 minutes long, my son was very excited to be there, and little sister was happy too although she couldn't figure out what the fuss was all about.

We wandered around in the extreme heat and humidity and they fed goats and donkeys and baboons and capuchin monkeys. We saw silver and red foxes and white tigers and zebras and lynx and coyotes and timber wolves...and as is the case every single time we go, the lions and bears were hiding in the shade somewhere. I pictured them sitting back in their dens, clinking their bottles of ice cold beer together and laughing hysterically at all the humans who'd paid much money to see them and yet, did not because they were smart enough to do what the people were not - which was to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE SUN AND HAVE AN ICE COLD DRINK.

After a few hours and a couple of pounds of sweat had dripped off me and into places that I didn't know sweat could go, I decided it was time to go home. At that point, I felt sick to my stomach from the humidity and being the pale freckle faced individual that I am, could not take one more minute without air conditioning blowing directly on me. And for the uninitiated, air conditioning does not smell like sour animal piss and feces.

In the car, and even though my son was talking a mile a minute about the different species of monkeys we'd seen, it was obvious that he was going to fall asleep within moments, and my daughter was asleep before we left the parking lot.

And me? As soon as we got home, I headed for my own cave in the cool basement, frosty bottle of beer in hand and toasted those bastard lions and bears.

They had the right idea all along.