Back From the Edge

There were times I thought the pain and grief would literally make my heart stop.  My entire life, our entire life, was flipped upside down and sideways, and in the weeks and months since September 18, 2011, I felt like my insides were made of shattered glass, held together only with a very fine web, and it would take very little to destroy me completely.

I'm still standing.

It didn't kill me. 

I have survived. 

I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. 

I'm proud of me. 

I'm in counselling. 

I'm a work-in-progress. 

I am present and striving every day to be a better mother. 

I'm working hard at a job I enjoy.

I am lucky to work with an incredible female boss who is inspirational.

I started smiling again.

I started sleeping again (not always great, but better than last fall and winter).

I am worthy.

I am unique.

I am funny.

I am lovable.

I am trustworthy.

I realized something hugely life-changing...

I LOVE me.

Math That Adds Up to "This Blows"

Financial stress

+ a leaking roof and house falling down around you

+ hardly any couple time

+ two hot-tempered people who haven't learned to "fight fair"

=

A marriage in trouble.

When Life Is A Bowl of Lemons....

....I like to think I'm someone who can make lemonade.

Instead you'll find me smashing the lemons into a mealy pulp and shattering the bowl.

It's All About the Proper Pillow

Like you really needed motivation to gag, but another reason I love my husband is that he gets it that I MUST sleep with my flattened-at-the-corners pillow and with tidy-looking sheets and comforter pulled up to my chin.

On occasion, he dares to fall asleep ON TOP OF THE COMFORTER and if you know me at all you know the vision that sails through my head at that particular moment is one in which I've suffocated him with one of the six pillows hanging out on our marital bed. Why there are six pillows (eight actually if you count the two 'fancy' cushions) to begin with can cause a slight argument between us, but nothing that a round of hot marriage sex won't cure.

Back to the pillows...

Our bedding is black and white, so there is a pillow for sleeping on, and when the bed gets made, the sleeping-on-pillow is propped against the headboard, followed by the pillow in a plain black pillowcase, followed by the pillow in the white & black patterned pillow case, followed by the black with white patterened fancy cushion and then the pale lilac fancy schmancy cushion.

PERFECT. SENSE.

My husband often makes the bed and I appreciate this very much. (See reference to hot married sex, above.) However, it does happen that the sleeping-on pillows get mixed up and I end up with his. He thinks it's funny (most of the time) there are so many pillows on the bed and that I am very particular about which one I need to sleep on. He also thinks it's extremely annoying depending on the day.

Having said that, I can tell as soon as my head hits the pillow if I've got mine or his and if I have his, he rarely gets annoyed enough to be really pissed that I wake him up to switch them. Come to think of it, he doesn't even really wake up...he just lifts his head and I jam his pillow under his face, thereby averting the previously mentioned possible suffocation.

My husband is awesome even when he sleeps.