It's been tougher than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams to come to an acceptance that the time has come to say goodbye to my little boy and hello to the stubborn, hellish pre-teen and teen years.
We fought this week with a ferociousness I did not think was possible and it wasn't pretty. It didn't end with a funny-Cosby-show-lesson-learned moment either. There was an enormous amount of frustration with each other that led to confrontation on my part, as in me telling my son that he will not treat me like something he's trying to scrape off the bottom of his shoe, that he will talk to me with the respect and courtesy he shows his teachers and his step-father and father.
He looked at me like he hated me. Then he stalked (he stalked!) to his room, slammed the door shut while hollering "Why can't you just leave me ALONE?"
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. When his bedtime rolled around that night things were calmer and I got my usual hug and kiss goodnight but for the life of me I could not stop tears from falling, full-stream, down my face. This moment, this one here and now, we'd talked about a few times before - we knew the day was coming that we would start arguing, that he would feel pissed off at me for a variety of reasons, but my god - I had no idea how much it was going to hurt. It took my breath away.
And it got worse because as I smelled that little spot on the back of his neck mothers always sniff because the essence, the spirit, of your child is found there....my heart broke even more because his little-boy-smell...was gone.
It's. It's just...gone. And I know it's never coming back.
4 comments:
Things are rough right now, I understand, I went through that with my son a couple years back. (he is turning 16 in Feb.)
Remember though, you are close and a boy and his mom have a special bond that cannot break. He is going through hormonal and emotional changes and I guess it's not easy. It doesn't last very long, (with my son it lasted only a couple months)and things aren't exactly as they were before but I am still his Mom and the "I love you"s are back and the fun is too.
It's rough when reality hits you in the face, the fact that your little boy is not your little boy anymore and that he is turning into a man. I still don't want to accept it, but I know I have to.
Chin up, better days are coming and the respect, if you hold your ground, will come back with time.
Huggles..
You made me cry. Again. Because I have two of those little creatures and I know my day is coming...
I completely understand. My boy (pre-teen) is, well, headed that direction. I wish I had some advice for you or you for me. Hang in there is all I can come up with for now.
So sad :( But it's part of his growing up, just extend your patience with him. Guide him always for him not to become a rebel teen. Good luck!
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