An Interesting Thing Happened On The Way to The Grocery Store...

I never made it. I drove to the grocery store, parked the car, baby sound asleep in her carseat...and my legs went numb, familiar panic choked my lungs and throat and I started to feel dizzy. Yeah! Anxiety attack! Two thumbs up to the older couple tossing odd looks to the crazy lady crying in her station wagon, clutching at the steering wheel and trying to dial a cell phone.
Did I mention how much I'm enjoying being sleep deprived? No? IT'S FUCKING AWESOME.

On another note but a definitely related topic, to Anonymous who comments on my blog: Thank you for your encouraging words and electronic hug - it's very much appreciated. This is my third go-round with post-partum depression and you'd think it'd get easier, but it doesn't. The good news is that because I'm not having any more babies, this will be the last bout and I can go back to dealing with and trying to manage the regular-drag-my-ass-out-of-bed-day-to-day-depression instead! You know, until peri-menopause and menopause begins.

Honestly though, hubby knows what's going on and he's been incredibly supportive and doing what he can to help and that includes talking to the kids and asking them to "help Mummy a bit more". (The 4-year-old's vicious temper tantrums are a huge energy drain and when you're running on empty but trying to squeeze out a touch more patience it is frustrating. Sort of like when you knock a glass over, stand it back up, only to immediately knock it over again. And again. And again. And then you grab the glass and throw it against the wall to teach it a lesson. Except that, obviously, my daughter isn't a glass and I would never do anything to physically harm her, so in this particular situation, she's temporarily lost the brand new toys Santa brought her and she will get them back one at a time for each day she behaves like a tiny human being instead of Satan's evil-doer frothing at the mouth.)

My mum and dad also know because I've told them, but I haven't specifically told my sisters, brother or any friends - I sort of think they've all got enough of their own stuff going on and I don't want to bother them - not that my parents also don't, but it's just different - they're my parents.

As I look over at the beautiful sleeping girl (who as of yesterday, by the way, weighs 12 lbs, 8.5 oz.) I realize that now just might be an opportune time to try and have a nap. Not an easy task for someone who is, admittedly, not a napper, but I'm going to try.

And that's the word for today.